as I’m mostly dead today.
But when I press your hands
against the wall behind my bed,
I feel more than your fingers break.
I feel your breathing and believe it is too heavy.
Your sweat is real,
but your thoughts are not with us.
I believe you lie in writhing lustfully beneath me,
and I don’t believe the way your skin
grows hot against my touch.
I believe
you feel too much.
And I intend to take apart
these lies which keep us living.
these lies which keep us living.
7 comments:
I liked "those" better than "these"... when did you change that?
Well, My Dear,
I decided that "these" makes more pointed reference to all the stuff mentioned above. You remember that the "I intend..." stanza was actually part of another piece of work. When it said "those" it sounded like it still belonged on another page. I still don't like the line, truth be told, but I'm working through it. The piece is what it wants to be, and I must let go. Probably not going down in history, though... (see comments on Interested. ;) Thanks for posting, turd.
For everyone else...
Feel Too Much is written from the perspective of a somewhat sociopathic author... The author admits to his or her inability to feel very many things, and all references to feeling are physical. References to emotional feeling are "believe" statements in the piece. For whatever reason, I think people believe the author's speculation about the subject in the piece, even though all the signs display sincere feeling from the subject to the author. We believe him even though he said he does not feel much, and even though he confesses an intent to take apart the emotional and ultimate physical livelihood of the subject. Do we not believe him? I'd like to know. I wrote him, so I believe him.
Sociopathic and seductive. Hmm. Three questions: 1) are the lower case "i's" intentional at the beginning and the end?
2) What is this concern you have with "lying" vs. "believing" vs. "not believing"? It's a recurring idea in your work. 3) Since you mentioned sociopathic, I'll take that a little further, would you consider the speaker to be somewhat antisocial? Again, something that comes up in other pieces, too. I only ask because it's intriguing to me. You speak of these inner workings/emotions, sort of an inner conflict while in the midst of charming a subject. Kind of an emotive-sensory multi-tasker?
The lower-case Is are a copy and paste oversight. Woo!
Believing and lying are themes in my work right now and I'm not really sure why. I think it has largely to do with my believing in duality and my obsession with that right now. Everyone lies to those whom they love... or at least I have... And this piece just explores a really freaky extreme of that. Plus I've been fortunate to have some real sociopathic lovers in my life. And they make great lovers, both mentally and otherwise. Antisocial? Maybe. I'd be more inclined to say that the speaker is a social master... maybe... mentally antisocial, but outwardly not so much. You decide.
Also, I don't think of the speaker as charming anyone. I think of the speaker as being desired by many and feeling pretty neutral about it. Going through the motions, feeling sure that everyone is lying. I'm not sure what it's exploring, honestly. Perhaps a past love of mine... but more just a feeling, a style of character that intrigues me, and a scene that I enjoyed painting.
I dig it. I really do. It shows a person who has "something going on" underneath. There's more there to consider...which to me makes for good writing. This piece stays with me, kind of lingers, because the whole idea of crushing someone, of having internal recognition that you don't really want to be into them, but still being able to woo them into the bed (literally or otherwise) regardless, and to have your way is intriguing. It's something worth pondering because a lot of people may have been there before. A social master. I agree. I like that concept, it's as if the writer is holding the strings above the woodwork...and that makes for an interesting speaker. I can't help but wonder "what's he going to do next in this scene..." I like this one. A lot.
Ezzles,
Your interpretation is yummy. And because I know you a little, I understand the perspective...
Let me line out the speaker a little bit more just for fun. And then we can stop talking about his freak.
The speaker does not care. Fucking the subject is like the buttering of his morning toast. It's like locking the car door before entering work. It's like reading a political news article with your opinion on the matter already fashioned. The speaker fucks out of routine, with a style that fits his perception of the subject.
In my truth, the subject is sincere. But the speaker has already decided the way this toast should be buttered. He's already decided how he feels about the matter, and continues to read line by line, and will ultimately not remember the article.
The speaker has chosen the subject for this fact. He enjoys not believing the subject. He enjoys hating the subject. He doesn't care for the subject, actually, so he can't hate the him. But he enjoys the drama of disbelieving him and thinking about hating him, if he could, while he fucks. It's pretty sick.
Thanks again for posting. And reading. Un beso.
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